CARTOON LOUNGE: Dude, what are you doing?
CL: With all these flashy glass towers? You look like an idiot.
D: No, it’s awesome.
CL: No, man. It’s not awesome. You’re totally trying way too hard. You’re like a sixteen-year-old kid in West Virginia driving a Porsche—or even worse, like a monster truck made of diamonds.
Dubai: That would be tight.
CL: No man, that would be stupid.
Dubai: Whatever, but at least you’d get people’s attention.
CL: Yeah, for being a huge tool.
Dubai: You’re just jealous, man.
CL: Oh, yeah, what I really want is a bunch of huge glass skyscrapers that practically scream out to the entire world that I have a small penis. O.K., maybe I wish I had your cash. But I’ll tell you this, if I did I have your gazillion dollars I’d spend it with a little more class‚ even a little responsibility.
Dubai: Like how? You gonna buy some world peace?
CL: I don’t know—maybe some hospitals or just some really expensive medical procedures for everyone. Or what would be wrong with a museum or something?
Dubai: Nothing as long as it’s really really tall…
Dubai: …and has pictures of naked ladies in it.
CL: You’re such an idiot.
Dubai: Seriously though, can they really make a car out of diamonds?
CL: I don’t know, man. Probably.
CL: See that’s exactly what I’m saying. Just because you can do something, if you have the money to do it, doesn’t mean you should do it.
Dubai: Uh, what?
CL: Because it makes you look like a shallow moron. Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.
Dubai: I’ve got tons of friends.
CL: Look, man, I wouldn’t be a real friend to you right now if I didn’t tell you this: You’re surrounded by people that only like you for your money.
CL: Dude, that’s not a good thing. You should try to actually learn to do something to distinguish yourself that doesn’t involve throwing a lot of cash around. Sure some equally shallow idiots might like you, for a little while, but… See the thing is, money isn’t the best basis to build relationships on.
Dubai: How would you know? Your idea of a good time is, like, a book.
CL: Uh yeah, touché. You really got me there.
Dubai: Besides, my gross national product is in excess of thirty-seven billion, so screw you.
CL: Yeah, but that’s nearly all oil. What happens when your oil reserves dry up in less than twenty years, which is what everyone’s saying, by the way.
Dubai: Who cares, man. That’s twenty years from now. Anyway, we’ve got tourism too.
CL: Your tourism is based entirely on people coming to gawk at your colossal stacks of glass. What happens when you can’t afford to keep the lights on. I’m just telling you—you want to be known for producing something of real value not just something that’s expensive. I mean if you were a musician, who would you rather be, Dylan or Diddy?
Dubai: Uh, Diddy, obviously. Have you seen his house?
CL: I don’t even know why we’re friends. I really don’t.
Dubai: You don’t need to worry about me, dude. I’ve got a couple other things up my sleeve.
CL: What, casinos? The world’s tallest dog track?
Dubai: No, check this out. We’re making a bunch of islands in the shape of the world. Here’s a pic.
CL: What the hell? Is that for real?
Dubai: Yeah, bro, it’s gonna be awesome. People can buy each island and own, like, part of the world. It’s gonna be crazy expensive, too.
CL: You’ve got to be kidding me. You really think there are people in the world with so much money and so little taste that they’ll actually want to buy some tiny concrete continent.
Dubai: Tommy Lee just bought Greece for him and Pamela Anderson to hang out on.
CL: O.K., You’re right. I’m wrong. Do whatever you want, I guess.
Dubai: Yeaaah boyz!